Dear Charlesjournal,
Both Gasper and Ian asked what I was blogging about. I told them that I was blogging about how exciting college is. So, to not lie, I'll go on about that for a paragraph. Starting now.
College is exciting for a few reasons. First off, in college, we have a lot more free time. Second, we're surrounded by like-minded people (sometimes). Third, we have access to free food, although getting it is difficult because mama doesn't always cook for us. Fourth, we have to do our own laundry but don't have to clean our rooms (except if our roomies want us to).
The end.
Alright, now that I've taken care of that...
Good morning, my love. I hope you rested well, or at least got more sleep than you did Tuesday night. Go ahead and text me whenever you want, or rather, don't worry about waking me up. I'm not that light a sleeper. <3
And I also hope that you didn't get killed taking Geoff to the airport. Because if that happens, I can promise you that you will have a very, very upset Rachel at your funeral. A very, very upset Rachel who probably would be functioning not at all. ...yes, you're right, doom and gloom are very common in the evenings. v.v
I can't get you out of my head. Well, that's normal. But that comes with very uncontrollable smiling and impatience for summer to get here already, damnit. Just being able to constantly snuggle/nuzzle/cling to you... And then imagining married life. Oh god. Epic. Absolutely epic. I... if I had to describe my thoughts on it, they'd have to be something like this:
Waking up in the morning and kind of wriggling out of bed, getting dressed and coming back to watch you wake up or snuggle a bit or something similar. (maybe insert taking care of the pet(s) here) Just going about doing day-to-day things - having my research sprawled over the kitchen table and you coming up behind me, your chin on my shoulder, and prying me away for Charlestime - figuring out how to cook together, because have you ever watched a couple who's cooked a lot together move around in the kitchen together? It's like some sort of dance. Dance lessons, of course, and spontaneous spinning about the living room or whatever our first apartment house thing has. Quiet humming, laughter, soft kisses... and the evenings where I watch you work at the computer, bleary-eyed, curled up in the blankets, before you eventually cave in to my pathetic meweling and come to bed already...
And surprisingly enough, I'm not blushing right now. Just filled with this strange sense of longing. It's like I can reach out and touch it; it's just beyond reach, so close, and yet so far at the same time. I miss you so much right now.
I love you, Charles. You're my smile and my laughter, the swing in my step and the hum in my mouth. You give me hope, remind me I'm not crazy, keep things in perspective. You're - don't laugh - you're honestly what grounds me. I really do wonder how I ever got so lucky as to be able to say that I know that you're mine, and always will be. Belief in that comes slowly, very slowly, but it is coming.
So good morning, my love, my sweet. I'll talk to you soon. <3
Rachel
P.S. Tiara killed me for shooing you off to bed. I have no regrets.
20100331
Wednesday. 31 March 2010. Part II
The saga continues...
Oh, drat it. I left my chem folder in my room. I'll have to go get that, or type it out later, or something. Class today was absolutely epic. Not only did Charles text - I really was starting to get worried, was imagining things like him choking to death in his sleep... Anyway, he texted, and he was indeed alive. Plus we were discussing element cycles (the nitrogen cycle, carbon cycle, oxygen cycle, and phosphorous cycle) in class. And I got my test back (B-, not too bad, considering) and realized just how amazing my chem professor is.
Cool nifty fact number 1, discovered in my chem class: natural bacteria are absolutely amazing. Why? They break apart dinitrogen bonds. Okay, whoop-ti-doo. What does that mean? Well, nitrogen in its gaseous state exists as dinitrogen - two nitrogen atoms, bonded with a triple bond. Which means it's really really uber strong. The bond takes around 960 kJ/mol to break. To put that in perspective - lightning is usually the only thing that breaks it. Yeah. You need a lot of energy. Dinitrogen is broken into the separate nitrogen atoms and bonded to hydrogen to create nitrates, ammonia, etc (things very much necessary to life) in factories when there's crazy high pressures and temperatures. But bacteria - simple, little tiny bacteria - can break it down in the human body at normal temperatures and pressures. Pretty neat, huh?
Cool nifty fact number 2, also discovered in my chem class: The environment is not as fragile as people would lead you to believe. The carbon cycle is crazy complex, and carbon dioxide can be absorbed in high quantities by the oceans and by plants (the plants will 'eat' more carbon if more is available). It's like blood. Your blood doesn't get crazy acidic when you drink a lot of lemon juice or soak your hands in bleach, because it's a 'buffer' - it can absorb a certain amount of acid or base (a lot of acid or base) before it actually turns acidic or basic. The environment is the same way. It would take a lot of carbon dioxide to really screw it up.
Cool nifty fact number 3, also also discovered in my chem class: No, my professor is not a secret agent for the Queen. =/
Cool nifty fact number 4, also also also discovered in my chem class: However, my professor has read the Simrillion and the Lord of the Rings, and pwns me in all knowledge of Tolkein. I have a goofy schoolgirl crush on him. One of the guys in my chem class and I gushed about Lord of the Rings after that.
But dear god, I'm tired. Long, hotish day. I just want to talk to Charles, eat, and curl up in the sunlight on the grass. Perhaps I'll just post this, check his blog, and then nyom. And nap. Yes, that sounds like a good plan.
Oh, drat it. I left my chem folder in my room. I'll have to go get that, or type it out later, or something. Class today was absolutely epic. Not only did Charles text - I really was starting to get worried, was imagining things like him choking to death in his sleep... Anyway, he texted, and he was indeed alive. Plus we were discussing element cycles (the nitrogen cycle, carbon cycle, oxygen cycle, and phosphorous cycle) in class. And I got my test back (B-, not too bad, considering) and realized just how amazing my chem professor is.
Cool nifty fact number 1, discovered in my chem class: natural bacteria are absolutely amazing. Why? They break apart dinitrogen bonds. Okay, whoop-ti-doo. What does that mean? Well, nitrogen in its gaseous state exists as dinitrogen - two nitrogen atoms, bonded with a triple bond. Which means it's really really uber strong. The bond takes around 960 kJ/mol to break. To put that in perspective - lightning is usually the only thing that breaks it. Yeah. You need a lot of energy. Dinitrogen is broken into the separate nitrogen atoms and bonded to hydrogen to create nitrates, ammonia, etc (things very much necessary to life) in factories when there's crazy high pressures and temperatures. But bacteria - simple, little tiny bacteria - can break it down in the human body at normal temperatures and pressures. Pretty neat, huh?
Cool nifty fact number 2, also discovered in my chem class: The environment is not as fragile as people would lead you to believe. The carbon cycle is crazy complex, and carbon dioxide can be absorbed in high quantities by the oceans and by plants (the plants will 'eat' more carbon if more is available). It's like blood. Your blood doesn't get crazy acidic when you drink a lot of lemon juice or soak your hands in bleach, because it's a 'buffer' - it can absorb a certain amount of acid or base (a lot of acid or base) before it actually turns acidic or basic. The environment is the same way. It would take a lot of carbon dioxide to really screw it up.
Cool nifty fact number 3, also also discovered in my chem class: No, my professor is not a secret agent for the Queen. =/
Cool nifty fact number 4, also also also discovered in my chem class: However, my professor has read the Simrillion and the Lord of the Rings, and pwns me in all knowledge of Tolkein. I have a goofy schoolgirl crush on him. One of the guys in my chem class and I gushed about Lord of the Rings after that.
But dear god, I'm tired. Long, hotish day. I just want to talk to Charles, eat, and curl up in the sunlight on the grass. Perhaps I'll just post this, check his blog, and then nyom. And nap. Yes, that sounds like a good plan.
Wednesday. 31 March 2010.
GIANT KITTY AT TOP OF PAGE!!! =D
Yes, I was bored last night. Matt (a different one) called last night around 10 while I was in Gasper's room being distracted by a dude building a real lightsaber and asked what the hell we were supposed to do for the assignment due today in CEC. I had forgotten it was due, and therefore immediately jumped to helping so that I could figure out what we were doing as well. Turns out, a lot of the stuff we didn't learn until Calc II, and Matt was only in Calc I and just learning to integrate (which was what we were supposed to be doing in the two problems). So I called Gasper over.
It turned out to be a 20-minute session. Gasper had fun trying to figure it out, and then he explained it to me and I talked until all of a sudden a really easy way to explain it popped into my head and everything made sense. It was one of those Aha! moments. I love those. So yeah, ended up not going to bed till 11, and Char is probably going to kill me for that, but that's alright. It was worth it.
Woke up this morning with only a bit of pain in my back, feeling a bit tired but it's just a "ugh waking up school" sleepiness instead of that bone-deep "I've been getting less than six hours of sleep for the past week" sleepiness. Wearing boots + skirt = win. I have to take a shower. But I figured I'd toss some rambling up in case Char gets himself out of bed and decides to check this... >.>
*dashes back to dorm room*
Yes, I was bored last night. Matt (a different one) called last night around 10 while I was in Gasper's room being distracted by a dude building a real lightsaber and asked what the hell we were supposed to do for the assignment due today in CEC. I had forgotten it was due, and therefore immediately jumped to helping so that I could figure out what we were doing as well. Turns out, a lot of the stuff we didn't learn until Calc II, and Matt was only in Calc I and just learning to integrate (which was what we were supposed to be doing in the two problems). So I called Gasper over.
It turned out to be a 20-minute session. Gasper had fun trying to figure it out, and then he explained it to me and I talked until all of a sudden a really easy way to explain it popped into my head and everything made sense. It was one of those Aha! moments. I love those. So yeah, ended up not going to bed till 11, and Char is probably going to kill me for that, but that's alright. It was worth it.
Woke up this morning with only a bit of pain in my back, feeling a bit tired but it's just a "ugh waking up school" sleepiness instead of that bone-deep "I've been getting less than six hours of sleep for the past week" sleepiness. Wearing boots + skirt = win. I have to take a shower. But I figured I'd toss some rambling up in case Char gets himself out of bed and decides to check this... >.>
*dashes back to dorm room*
20100330
Tuesday. 30 March 2010. Part II.
WARNING. THIS POST CONTAINS NAUGHTY WORDS.
1:32 PM
Currently listening to Gasper play Cave Story on the Wii. It’s rather funny; he sounds like Nick, just repeating “Damnit Damnit Damnit” at the top of his lungs and talking to the game itself. I think that’s how I sound when I’m playing. I just go “Shit shit shit crap DANGIT” or something similar…
“Fuck! Fuckin missles! FUCK!!”
Okay, I’m trying not to die of laughter and it’s not working.
*deep breath*
Let’s see. We’ve got Gasper, Ian, and my twin-ish person Matt in this room at the same time. I get Gasper’s circle chair. And I’ve discovered that I can’t sit on the floor until my back is completely healed. Sat down for about a half hour, lying on my back or sitting up straight, and it took me a good three minutes to stand up because of the pain. And I was in a lot of pain this morning too. Frankie watched me with a confused expression. I didn’t feel like complaining about my back again.
Kinda sad about not getting to talk to Charles much today. Well, it is only one in the afternoon, but he’s busy till… um… late, and I have Arabic just a bit after ‘late’ so I won’t be able to talk with him till pretty late indeed. Which is alright, but I’m starting to tell that I’m falling behind on sleep and it’s close to getting bad. And it’s not even close to finals. Uuurgh. Morning person + night person = [scribbles] + [fail] <-- seemingly proper equation so far
Gasper is attacking the interwebs to figure out what to do next in Cave Story. I just had to untangle myself from his cable. (…that’s what she said?)
Right now, the entirety of the purpose of this post is to put off starting on my Arabic. But that’s only going to work for so long. I’ll keep trying, though. Oh! I can work on my outline! And Gasper is confused. Poor little brother.
List of Gasper-isms, compiled today while he played Hell Level in Cave Story.
“Oh, you son of a whore.”
“There you are. Now you’re here, stupid bitch.”
“Ooooooaaah, mother fucker.”
“Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay Okay. We’re good so far. We’re good so far. Okay. This is the hard part.”
“Oooh fuck yes. Aha. I am a sexy beast.”
“Must. Abuse. System.”
“I’m shooting effing DUCKS. That is not a good thing.”
Too sleepy to work on outline. Naptime.
1:32 PM
Currently listening to Gasper play Cave Story on the Wii. It’s rather funny; he sounds like Nick, just repeating “Damnit Damnit Damnit” at the top of his lungs and talking to the game itself. I think that’s how I sound when I’m playing. I just go “Shit shit shit crap DANGIT” or something similar…
“Fuck! Fuckin missles! FUCK!!”
Okay, I’m trying not to die of laughter and it’s not working.
*deep breath*
Let’s see. We’ve got Gasper, Ian, and my twin-ish person Matt in this room at the same time. I get Gasper’s circle chair. And I’ve discovered that I can’t sit on the floor until my back is completely healed. Sat down for about a half hour, lying on my back or sitting up straight, and it took me a good three minutes to stand up because of the pain. And I was in a lot of pain this morning too. Frankie watched me with a confused expression. I didn’t feel like complaining about my back again.
Kinda sad about not getting to talk to Charles much today. Well, it is only one in the afternoon, but he’s busy till… um… late, and I have Arabic just a bit after ‘late’ so I won’t be able to talk with him till pretty late indeed. Which is alright, but I’m starting to tell that I’m falling behind on sleep and it’s close to getting bad. And it’s not even close to finals. Uuurgh. Morning person + night person = [scribbles] + [fail] <-- seemingly proper equation so far
Gasper is attacking the interwebs to figure out what to do next in Cave Story. I just had to untangle myself from his cable. (…that’s what she said?)
Right now, the entirety of the purpose of this post is to put off starting on my Arabic. But that’s only going to work for so long. I’ll keep trying, though. Oh! I can work on my outline! And Gasper is confused. Poor little brother.
List of Gasper-isms, compiled today while he played Hell Level in Cave Story.
“Oh, you son of a whore.”
“There you are. Now you’re here, stupid bitch.”
“Ooooooaaah, mother fucker.”
“Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay Okay. We’re good so far. We’re good so far. Okay. This is the hard part.”
“Oooh fuck yes. Aha. I am a sexy beast.”
“Must. Abuse. System.”
“I’m shooting effing DUCKS. That is not a good thing.”
Too sleepy to work on outline. Naptime.
Tuesday. 30 March 2010.
Heh. Today doesn't really count as Tuesday, it's only half past midnight. But I updated really early yesterday. So yeah.
I'm still listening to Monty Python, ironically. Only it's the Holy Grail instead of random sketches. It's very dark in my room and my back is definitely not happy about sitting up for so long. The fan is on, Frankie is asleep... all in all, a peaceful evening.
Today was, for lack of a better term, wonderful. Nothing in particular happened to make it so lovely - it merely existed in a state of happiness that I guess life has taught me not to take advantage of. I got more than I thought I would done with my outline, managed to work my way through a bit of Cave Story (although I had to stop, since I kept dying and making really loud whiny noises), and got to talk to Charles a heck of a lot.
I'm kind of embarrassed about not thinking through my 'threat' earlier today. I should know better, but somehow I always manage to screw up like that. And I know Char doesn't think anything of it, or maybe he does but I'm assuming he doesn't think anything of the fact that I... I don't know. Hushing. Anyway. It was so strange. The way he pulled me through the thought processes I should have gone through - would have gone through - it reminded me a lot of my mom. I was a bit ashamed of myself, truth be told. But... I know he didn't mean it like that, only did it out of love and concern. And when I say he reminded me of my mom, I merely mean that mom is the only other person who really takes the time to sit down and explain why she's saying what she's saying (even if she does it /after/ she makes some big change...).
I find myself wondering less and less, worrying for smaller periods of thought. Concern over Charles' and my future crosses my mind less and less. I can't - physically can't - question his motives. Every time we have a little 'fumble' like we did earlier today (I'm not even sure if that's an accurate description), I become more and more assured of the fact that he's everything he seems. Well, that he's telling me the truth. I still have trouble believing that he won't just vanish one day, or he'll randomly go "LOL jk I'm really not that amazing" or something like that. People can't love that strongly (even though I have felt it myself, that treacherous side of me whispers), people can't be that firm in their feelings and dedication (and the reason I can't believe that is because I'm still staggering from Jack, albeit in just a few manners). People really can't be that alright with just sitting and watching each other, silent and reveling in the joy of the others' presence. Other people can't want that kind of dedication so early in a relationship.
Sometimes I question myself, though. Am I an idiot for getting so attached so quickly after I had my heart torn out of my chest and crushed under Jack's foot? Shouldn't I learn to withdraw, save myself, protect myself? But the moment I ask that I end up shaking my head. It might be smarter to pull back, but I never said I was smart. I may be used to holding my heart close behind walls, but my nature is to put it out in the open, hand it on a platter to the one I love. Changing that would be changing myself more than I want. And so I trust, and risk getting hurt, and battle with the walls that attempt to crop up. Funny, though. Charles has the natural ability to coax me out. I don't want to hide from him.
I texted Jack today. Told him that I felt bad about being a bitch to him, but couldn't think of any other way to act. He said he was close to going insane from knowing what he had done to me. I... um... I told him to man up already. *rubs at the back of my head, embarrassed* Told him that if he felt so bad he should stop moping already and do something to fix it. Of course he asked me how, and I told him that I had no idea, but he was in possession of brains and a heart. He didn't respond. But... I feel better now. It just feels wrong, acting like a bitch. To anyone. No matter how much they may or may not deserve it. Firm, yes. Annoyed (for brief periods of time) or angry (if it helps them see sense), yes. Bitchy? Accomplishes nothing except resentment. Yet another one of my quirks Charles has to put up with, me scattering rainbows and rose petals. It's how I live, though, as natural as breathing.
Well, time to end this rant. Deep breath, run for the cliff, and leap - sweet, sweet freefall. And maybe I'll figure out how to fly.
I'm still listening to Monty Python, ironically. Only it's the Holy Grail instead of random sketches. It's very dark in my room and my back is definitely not happy about sitting up for so long. The fan is on, Frankie is asleep... all in all, a peaceful evening.
Today was, for lack of a better term, wonderful. Nothing in particular happened to make it so lovely - it merely existed in a state of happiness that I guess life has taught me not to take advantage of. I got more than I thought I would done with my outline, managed to work my way through a bit of Cave Story (although I had to stop, since I kept dying and making really loud whiny noises), and got to talk to Charles a heck of a lot.
I'm kind of embarrassed about not thinking through my 'threat' earlier today. I should know better, but somehow I always manage to screw up like that. And I know Char doesn't think anything of it, or maybe he does but I'm assuming he doesn't think anything of the fact that I... I don't know. Hushing. Anyway. It was so strange. The way he pulled me through the thought processes I should have gone through - would have gone through - it reminded me a lot of my mom. I was a bit ashamed of myself, truth be told. But... I know he didn't mean it like that, only did it out of love and concern. And when I say he reminded me of my mom, I merely mean that mom is the only other person who really takes the time to sit down and explain why she's saying what she's saying (even if she does it /after/ she makes some big change...).
I find myself wondering less and less, worrying for smaller periods of thought. Concern over Charles' and my future crosses my mind less and less. I can't - physically can't - question his motives. Every time we have a little 'fumble' like we did earlier today (I'm not even sure if that's an accurate description), I become more and more assured of the fact that he's everything he seems. Well, that he's telling me the truth. I still have trouble believing that he won't just vanish one day, or he'll randomly go "LOL jk I'm really not that amazing" or something like that. People can't love that strongly (even though I have felt it myself, that treacherous side of me whispers), people can't be that firm in their feelings and dedication (and the reason I can't believe that is because I'm still staggering from Jack, albeit in just a few manners). People really can't be that alright with just sitting and watching each other, silent and reveling in the joy of the others' presence. Other people can't want that kind of dedication so early in a relationship.
Sometimes I question myself, though. Am I an idiot for getting so attached so quickly after I had my heart torn out of my chest and crushed under Jack's foot? Shouldn't I learn to withdraw, save myself, protect myself? But the moment I ask that I end up shaking my head. It might be smarter to pull back, but I never said I was smart. I may be used to holding my heart close behind walls, but my nature is to put it out in the open, hand it on a platter to the one I love. Changing that would be changing myself more than I want. And so I trust, and risk getting hurt, and battle with the walls that attempt to crop up. Funny, though. Charles has the natural ability to coax me out. I don't want to hide from him.
I texted Jack today. Told him that I felt bad about being a bitch to him, but couldn't think of any other way to act. He said he was close to going insane from knowing what he had done to me. I... um... I told him to man up already. *rubs at the back of my head, embarrassed* Told him that if he felt so bad he should stop moping already and do something to fix it. Of course he asked me how, and I told him that I had no idea, but he was in possession of brains and a heart. He didn't respond. But... I feel better now. It just feels wrong, acting like a bitch. To anyone. No matter how much they may or may not deserve it. Firm, yes. Annoyed (for brief periods of time) or angry (if it helps them see sense), yes. Bitchy? Accomplishes nothing except resentment. Yet another one of my quirks Charles has to put up with, me scattering rainbows and rose petals. It's how I live, though, as natural as breathing.
Well, time to end this rant. Deep breath, run for the cliff, and leap - sweet, sweet freefall. And maybe I'll figure out how to fly.
20100329
Monday. 29 March 2010.
My back has decided to begin a rebellion. The KittyRachel is not pleased with this turn of events, and is ready to declare war with various anti-inflammatorys and much bedrest. So far the likely sparks of this disobedience are problems with the sciatica nerve, or really annoying symptom of PMS. Mom and I decided to wait it out, see if it goes away by Thursday, and schedule a chiropractor appointment for next weekend (not this weekend; we're heading down to see my grandparents for Easter, this weekend).
On the plus side, I stole cream cheese last night from the cafeteria buffet thing and bought a bag of bagels. Now I feast on the spoils of war.
Never before has battle been so delicious.
And what better way to rejoice after battle then by watching old Monty Python skits? There is no better way, that's the truth. That's the truth and I shall hear no argument. None!
I keep dreaming about Jack, and it's starting to disturb me. Nothing happens in them beyond hugging that I can remember, but even that is enough. The moment I wake up, I think of Charles. But - I have a feeling it might be because I'm fretting about how bitchy I've been to Jack of late. That and I'm thinking the fall semester might hold advances on his part. Nearly certain, actually. And, irrational though it may be, I'm afraid he'll try to force himself on me. Nothing like rape, but kissing is enough. I don't want that and I hate that I'm thinking it, but... I can't do any differently until my subconscious decides to remember the fact that I am Charles', and Charles is mine. That in itself is more than enough.
Maybe it's the fact that we've never actually physically met that makes it so difficult for me to accept, sometimes. Mind and heart have been given, but body is removed from the equation altogether, and will be until summer. Compared to my last relationship, which was quite the opposite, it's no small wonder. But I'm a patient kitty when need requires it, and in this case, it is very much required. So I wait, and hope Charles decides to stop ringing that damn bell soon because I cannot resist its sweet sound...
On the plus side, I stole cream cheese last night from the cafeteria buffet thing and bought a bag of bagels. Now I feast on the spoils of war.
Never before has battle been so delicious.
And what better way to rejoice after battle then by watching old Monty Python skits? There is no better way, that's the truth. That's the truth and I shall hear no argument. None!
I keep dreaming about Jack, and it's starting to disturb me. Nothing happens in them beyond hugging that I can remember, but even that is enough. The moment I wake up, I think of Charles. But - I have a feeling it might be because I'm fretting about how bitchy I've been to Jack of late. That and I'm thinking the fall semester might hold advances on his part. Nearly certain, actually. And, irrational though it may be, I'm afraid he'll try to force himself on me. Nothing like rape, but kissing is enough. I don't want that and I hate that I'm thinking it, but... I can't do any differently until my subconscious decides to remember the fact that I am Charles', and Charles is mine. That in itself is more than enough.
Maybe it's the fact that we've never actually physically met that makes it so difficult for me to accept, sometimes. Mind and heart have been given, but body is removed from the equation altogether, and will be until summer. Compared to my last relationship, which was quite the opposite, it's no small wonder. But I'm a patient kitty when need requires it, and in this case, it is very much required. So I wait, and hope Charles decides to stop ringing that damn bell soon because I cannot resist its sweet sound...
20100328
Sunday. 28 March 2010.
My internet is not working. I believe it is the curse of Gasper’s room. Ah, well. I’ll get to writing, then. Try 2 at a daily-ish blog, made necessary by the contents of my last blog, which will just make me frustrated, annoyed, and depressed by reading. Not to say that this won’t. I just like the lack of subject matter a bit more, here.
Let’s see. Right now I’m listening to the Children of Eden soundtrack. Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoyed working on that show? It really is a wonderful musical (when performed well, of course). Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking, learning both the clarinet and sax, and switching between them, the flute, the piccolo, and the recorder throughout the entire show. But it was so worth it. I’ve never played the flute with tears streaming down my face before, and I haven’t done it since. There was a brief solo for the flute during Eve’s final monologue (I memorized it and can probably still perform it, actually…) and it has to top the list of most emotional monologue I’ve ever heard, acted by an absolutely wonderful Eve with one hell of a voice, especially for the part of Mama Noah.
/musical!rant
So far, Charles, you’re going to be the only one reading this… so I guess I’m just going to directly address you during it. I hope 7 skeins of yarn is enough for what I have in mind. I hope it’ll be done before you come down to visit during the summer. (I can’t tell you how excited I am about that!) It probably will be, but eh. I can never tell, because I have such random spans of free time.
I probably should start on my story again, get that going. There honestly hasn’t been an inspiration-streak for a while, though. It’s stupid to want to wait for it – because they usually come when I’m too tired to write more than a few pages. Which is depressing, because the inspiration streaks are usually epic.
…this is a very boring blog post. I’m sorry. v.v
Hmmm. I should post what I have on my story or something fun like that. …actually…. If you’ll excuse me, my good sir, I shall be back with linkies later.
======(after linkies are added)===
Yep. I feel smart now. Planning on updating meh story there, but first I'm going to put out an outline. Hopefully I can get that done tonight. Plus all sorts of other random stuff, like religion, magical theory, brief history, etc., etc.
===================================
One more edit:
Charles... I think I might have mentioned that the emotions behind everything were fading a bit, and I was blaming it on PMS. Last night, I said something about barriers around my heart - maybe it was the night before. But... they're gone again. And I can feel everything again, and it's almost stronger than it was before. I never want to lose it. Ever. I want you to know that it always, always will come back. You manage to coax it back. Just by being you.
===================================
Okay, yet another edit. I'm working through the outline and whatnot. But... *deep breath in and out* Wow. I - it - I don't really have words to describe how I feel right now. Realizing that I've hurt Charles that badly in the past... it makes me more determined than before to make sure it never happens again. What stings the most is that I've unintentionally gone against everything I normally stand for - fiercely defending the people I love. Tooth and nail if need be. I let myself slide a bit and end up putting the man I love through what Jack put me through.
However, I've learned everything I can from the last month. And dwelling on it will do no good. I'm two weeks into a new start. A fresh start, with a strong and steady man at my side. And hopefully I'll be able to step back and become the supporting role once more. Dear God, may I be able to step out of the limelight. I dun like it.
Let’s see. Right now I’m listening to the Children of Eden soundtrack. Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoyed working on that show? It really is a wonderful musical (when performed well, of course). Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking, learning both the clarinet and sax, and switching between them, the flute, the piccolo, and the recorder throughout the entire show. But it was so worth it. I’ve never played the flute with tears streaming down my face before, and I haven’t done it since. There was a brief solo for the flute during Eve’s final monologue (I memorized it and can probably still perform it, actually…) and it has to top the list of most emotional monologue I’ve ever heard, acted by an absolutely wonderful Eve with one hell of a voice, especially for the part of Mama Noah.
/musical!rant
So far, Charles, you’re going to be the only one reading this… so I guess I’m just going to directly address you during it. I hope 7 skeins of yarn is enough for what I have in mind. I hope it’ll be done before you come down to visit during the summer. (I can’t tell you how excited I am about that!) It probably will be, but eh. I can never tell, because I have such random spans of free time.
I probably should start on my story again, get that going. There honestly hasn’t been an inspiration-streak for a while, though. It’s stupid to want to wait for it – because they usually come when I’m too tired to write more than a few pages. Which is depressing, because the inspiration streaks are usually epic.
…this is a very boring blog post. I’m sorry. v.v
Hmmm. I should post what I have on my story or something fun like that. …actually…. If you’ll excuse me, my good sir, I shall be back with linkies later.
======(after linkies are added)===
Yep. I feel smart now. Planning on updating meh story there, but first I'm going to put out an outline. Hopefully I can get that done tonight. Plus all sorts of other random stuff, like religion, magical theory, brief history, etc., etc.
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One more edit:
Charles... I think I might have mentioned that the emotions behind everything were fading a bit, and I was blaming it on PMS. Last night, I said something about barriers around my heart - maybe it was the night before. But... they're gone again. And I can feel everything again, and it's almost stronger than it was before. I never want to lose it. Ever. I want you to know that it always, always will come back. You manage to coax it back. Just by being you.
===================================
Okay, yet another edit. I'm working through the outline and whatnot. But... *deep breath in and out* Wow. I - it - I don't really have words to describe how I feel right now. Realizing that I've hurt Charles that badly in the past... it makes me more determined than before to make sure it never happens again. What stings the most is that I've unintentionally gone against everything I normally stand for - fiercely defending the people I love. Tooth and nail if need be. I let myself slide a bit and end up putting the man I love through what Jack put me through.
However, I've learned everything I can from the last month. And dwelling on it will do no good. I'm two weeks into a new start. A fresh start, with a strong and steady man at my side. And hopefully I'll be able to step back and become the supporting role once more. Dear God, may I be able to step out of the limelight. I dun like it.
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