Sunday. 28 March 2010.

My internet is not working. I believe it is the curse of Gasper’s room. Ah, well. I’ll get to writing, then. Try 2 at a daily-ish blog, made necessary by the contents of my last blog, which will just make me frustrated, annoyed, and depressed by reading. Not to say that this won’t. I just like the lack of subject matter a bit more, here.

Let’s see. Right now I’m listening to the Children of Eden soundtrack. Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoyed working on that show? It really is a wonderful musical (when performed well, of course). Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking, learning both the clarinet and sax, and switching between them, the flute, the piccolo, and the recorder throughout the entire show. But it was so worth it. I’ve never played the flute with tears streaming down my face before, and I haven’t done it since. There was a brief solo for the flute during Eve’s final monologue (I memorized it and can probably still perform it, actually…) and it has to top the list of most emotional monologue I’ve ever heard, acted by an absolutely wonderful Eve with one hell of a voice, especially for the part of Mama Noah.

/musical!rant

So far, Charles, you’re going to be the only one reading this… so I guess I’m just going to directly address you during it. I hope 7 skeins of yarn is enough for what I have in mind. I hope it’ll be done before you come down to visit during the summer. (I can’t tell you how excited I am about that!) It probably will be, but eh. I can never tell, because I have such random spans of free time.

I probably should start on my story again, get that going. There honestly hasn’t been an inspiration-streak for a while, though. It’s stupid to want to wait for it – because they usually come when I’m too tired to write more than a few pages. Which is depressing, because the inspiration streaks are usually epic.

…this is a very boring blog post. I’m sorry. v.v

Hmmm. I should post what I have on my story or something fun like that. …actually…. If you’ll excuse me, my good sir, I shall be back with linkies later.

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Yep. I feel smart now. Planning on updating meh story there, but first I'm going to put out an outline. Hopefully I can get that done tonight. Plus all sorts of other random stuff, like religion, magical theory, brief history, etc., etc.

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One more edit:
Charles... I think I might have mentioned that the emotions behind everything were fading a bit, and I was blaming it on PMS. Last night, I said something about barriers around my heart - maybe it was the night before. But... they're gone again. And I can feel everything again, and it's almost stronger than it was before. I never want to lose it. Ever. I want you to know that it always, always will come back. You manage to coax it back. Just by being you.

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Okay, yet another edit. I'm working through the outline and whatnot. But... *deep breath in and out* Wow. I - it - I don't really have words to describe how I feel right now. Realizing that I've hurt Charles that badly in the past... it makes me more determined than before to make sure it never happens again. What stings the most is that I've unintentionally gone against everything I normally stand for - fiercely defending the people I love. Tooth and nail if need be. I let myself slide a bit and end up putting the man I love through what Jack put me through.

However, I've learned everything I can from the last month. And dwelling on it will do no good. I'm two weeks into a new start. A fresh start, with a strong and steady man at my side. And hopefully I'll be able to step back and become the supporting role once more. Dear God, may I be able to step out of the limelight. I dun like it.