Monday. 12 April 2010.

Fragments of thoughts clatter and fall still in the dark pool. They sink heavily in the waters, like rocks, eventually settling at the bottom, lost from light.

I know they won't be there in the morning. Even now I see them as foolishness, as night-terrors and sleeplessness. But they're still there, and weigh on my soul heavily. Perhaps it is coal, surrounding my spirit until it's refined to diamond by the purest sunlight.

Perfection. I know it not, and yet Charles says that for him I am perfect. For him I would wish myself to be so, yet through him I already am. I've grown up attempting to fathom such mysteries, and it's a credit to my exhausted mind that I can puzzle through them only with the greatest of concentration.

Going out to eat for Frankie's birthday was a lot of fun. I haven't hung with the 6th floor crowd in a while (Ben, Frankie, Ashley, and Caitlin) but I missed them and they missed me, and it was like old times. Ben and I creeped on each other, Frankie and I bickered, Caitlin has some sort of weird admiration for me which I don't quite understand and yet find amusing, Ashley... Ashley, I don't know. But it's good, very good. I feel bad for making Charles fret. I feel bad for a lot of things. Tiara and Charles would yell at me.

Tiara and Charles' names sound kinda similar.

I should really hop into bed now... Uck. That's what I get for not sleeping well last night. Naps don't mix well with me. I have to be faintly exhausted through the day so that I sleep well enough to get through the next. I don't blame Charles, though (not that I ever do, and not that not blaming him ever makes him feel less guilty). He did what he thought was best, and we both learned. I had forgotten why I didn't nap. Otherwise I think I would stay in bed all day. If I had nothing to do, nothing to worry about, I would.

Love, marriage, sex, family. Some strange mismatch that stems from our half-planned first meeting this summer. Something tells me I'm going to have to plan a lot. I don't really mind. I just wish I knew if I had a roommate to figure into things in Illinois. I should probably ask.

Tomorrow.

*heads to bed*