Sunday. 4 April 2010.

Hello, my blog. How are you doing today? I am just dandy.

Well, not perfect. Charles' house has flooded (yaaaaay living in basement), and I missed him leaving, which means that I didn't get to see him and won't for an indefinite amount of time (which sucks). I also just texted Jack a happy Easter. God, I should stop it. It makes me angry/sad/depressed every time I talk to him, but I can't stop. Psychoanalyze time? I feel bad about leaving him so thoroughly. There's a small part of me that wants everything to be the way it was, but when I think about getting back together with him (ignoring the fact that my mom would KILL me and that I'd be cheating on Charles or broken up with him to do so) is actually a bit sickening. I'm not sure I could douse the feeling of being violated. Raped. It was difficult enough right after it happened.

And then the mere mention of cheating on Charles has me shaking. I don't think I could ever do that. I hate the fact that I even wrote about it in the first place. It seems vile, thinking about it. And breaking it off with him entir... no. No, no, no, no, no. No.

*deep breath, let out slowly*

Zee's was closed, so I have another hour before I can eat. No Charles, dear, sweet love of my life. I could pass the time writing sonnets to him... but I'm not feeling a sonnet mood, despite the fact that we were exchanging Shakespeare earlier. I'm... heh. Heh heh. >.>

<.<

Let's see. What did I want to do while I was at my aunt's house? Well, first off, there's that huge shower. There wasn't really a lot of wall space, but there was plenty of room otherwise, and imagining us together in it, with hot, steaming water running between us and our wandering hands, wet hair tangled, pressed against each other...

Showering was quite fun.

And then there was the bed. Now, Jen and I were sleeping in it together so I didn't want to get very raunchy thinking of Charles while I was in it, but now that I'm away... well, there was more than enough room on it to have quite the bit of fun. Plenty of space for foreplay, too. Like - I was thinking something along the lines of walking down the stairs, tugging at his arm with a mischievous smile before stopping and kissing his fingertips, then slowly working my way across his palm, wandering until I reached his wrist (where many, many feather-light kisses would be placed), and then carefully kissing up his arm, trailing my fingers slowly across his skin to his sleeve.

Obviously I don't want to be kissing a shirt, so that item would have to be removed. And then from where I left off - teasing kisses and nips over his shoulder, up his neck to his ear, then back down, across his collarbone... Is it just me, or is it getting a bit warm in here again? ^^;; The rest is up to imagination, of course.

*evil grin*

...daaaaang but I'm sleepy. Hopefully Char manages to get everything important out of the basement. Thank God he, at least, was there. If not, there would be a heck of a lotta damage to take care of. As is, I'm very tempted to ask if he needs help. The only reason I don't is because my idea of helping would be flying out to ND and helping him move stuff, turn off the water main, towel everything down, etc., etc. And especially just after the conversation with his mom, I don't think that would be a good idea.

Whoops. Gasper just called. I should go check and see what he wants.

Before that, though... I think Frankie likes Charles. I'm not sure how much, but definitely more than Jack. And she seemed interested in talking to him. I feel bad that he had to sit through us babbling to each other. Hopefully he didn't get too bored.

Alright. Time to call. Posting. I don't want to post. I don't have much more to say, but I don't want to stop typing because it's a connection to Char and I don't want to stop that connection and... aaaarugh. Damn me for being a fool in love.