Wednesday. 7 April 2010.

I spent a good ten minutes on my knees, sobbing and praying fervently. It was agony, deciding what to do from here. I was afraid, uncertain, exhausted. Worried. But… I decided that this is the only thing I can and should do. I might have been able to do something different; I might have made a different choice.

But I stand with Charles. It is what I see is right. He says much of what’s happened in the last months is his fault. I can see where he comes from with that statement. However – it wasn’t purely him, but the clash between him and my parents. And I happen to be caught in the middle of it. My parents are NOT me, goddamnit. Why do they have to continuously throw themselves into the middle of my life?

Why did I have to be an idealist?

*sighs* I’ll admit it, I’m exhausted. Five and a half hours of sleep after yesterday’s roller-coaster ride wasn’t the best plan, especially with a full day of school ahead. And my underwear keeps riding up. Whine, whine, complain, complain. Blah.

Got a calc exam Friday, an Arabic skit/test tomorrow, meeting with Mary tonight to work on the skit. 7:00 sharp. Hopefully go to sleep early. Watching Star Wars Episode III. Waiting for Charles to come back. Maybe we’ll play a game of chess. I really had fun playing last night.

Mind is a rumpled mess. I hope it stays that way because I don’t want to think right now. Wish I was with Charles, so badly. So, so badly. Then I could just curl up on his bed and sleep next to him, and even if the world was to crash around our ears, things would be alright.